I was right in thinking I’d have an overload in love and thought…so here I am left, completely unable to connect my life to words.

  My thoughts. Raw.

I think veins are the most seductive aspect of a man…of a person.

I think it’s because it proves humanity. I think it’s because I’m jealous of how entwined they are on your body. How they wrap around your contours in the way I wish to. 

And I wish to…wind around you like….

I wish I didn’t have these thoughts that I know shouldn’t be swimming in any creek of my mind. I wish I didn’t see your back so much, I wish I didn’t see clasped hands so much, I wish your words would change, I wish I’d stop wishing all this bullshit and just be content with my placement.

As an onlooker-

…bystander.

I haven’t talked as much as I usually do. Sometimes it feels like my jaw no longer knows how to move. It’s more comfortable closed. And why would I take comfort away from the only thing that feels it?

Words have taken your place in my life. They blanket-comfort me mirroring a laughing misery. At times, they echo your footsteps abandoning my night side. And the hollow pit in my stomach crawls into my fingertips. They itch some days, to be put to good use.

I can shoot bullets at my thoughts…10 for 10:

-My tongue is numb from how hard I’ve bit it, because I know this would poison you. But I got lost feeling open in our airwaves, and my discretion filters faltered and I sputtered. 

-You’re not addicted to words: you’re addicted to yours. Trust me, I’m not sure how I found myself here to begin with.

- Reminders only remind if I’ve forgotten to begin with.

- There is more to this world. Remember us?

- I was selfish. I pretended. I was two inches from breaking you…again.

- You are more than you give yourself credit for. You have nothing to prove to anyone else.

- You know the skin you’ve crawled into isn’t your own. Shed it.

- I want to count your heartbeats to match it with your lifelines.

-  Our roots are deeper than I have ever imagined.

- You. Yes, you. I miss you. Really.

Come back