I wanted to see if you believed I had wings underneath all this failure.
-if I write one more goddamned thing about a feeling I never had until I let out these thoughts…I’m done thinking. I don’t want to write about you, there is nothing to write about. All we have are sideways glances and lasting gazes. All we have is the opportunity to have this never work. I apologize for how greatly that frustrates me, for how it makes me want it a little more. There is police tape cautioning your doorstep, your armlength, saying “Hey, You, You’re not allowed here. I suggest you take your dreams somewhere else.” The response I formulate in my head doesn’t say much. In itself, or for me. And sometimes I wish that I could have had a
chance for all this. And all the time, I know, this is so much better for you. The poison from this ring has finally begun to sink in.
Sometimes I need some bass to jumpstart my heart cause every now and again it loses its rhythm with the sun and the stars and the sky and the sea.
Oh, how I have missed your fields.
Days like these, when I catch you peering off past rust
I was right in thinking I’d have an overload in love and thought…so here I am left, completely unable to connect my life to words.
My thoughts. Raw.
I think veins are the most seductive aspect of a man…of a person.
I think it’s because it proves humanity. I think it’s because I’m jealous of how entwined they are on your body. How they wrap around your contours in the way I wish to.
And I wish to…wind around you like….
I wish I didn’t have these thoughts that I know shouldn’t be swimming in any creek of my mind. I wish I didn’t see your back so much, I wish I didn’t see clasped hands so much, I wish your words would change, I wish I’d stop wishing all this bullshit and just be content with my placement.
As an onlooker-
I haven’t talked as much as I usually do. Sometimes it feels like my jaw no longer knows how to move. It’s more comfortable closed. And why would I take comfort away from the only thing that feels it?
Words have taken your place in my life. They blanket-comfort me mirroring a laughing misery. At times, they echo your footsteps abandoning my night side. And the hollow pit in my stomach crawls into my fingertips. They itch some days, to be put to good use.
I can shoot bullets at my thoughts…10 for 10:
-My tongue is numb from how hard I’ve bit it, because I know this would poison you. But I got lost feeling open in our airwaves, and my discretion filters faltered and I sputtered.
-You’re not addicted to words: you’re addicted to yours. Trust me, I’m not sure how I found myself here to begin with.
- Reminders only remind if I’ve forgotten to begin with.
- There is more to this world. Remember us?
- I was selfish. I pretended. I was two inches from breaking you…again.
- You are more than you give yourself credit for. You have nothing to prove to anyone else.
- You know the skin you’ve crawled into isn’t your own. Shed it.
- I want to count your heartbeats to match it with your lifelines.
- Our roots are deeper than I have ever imagined.
- You. Yes, you. I miss you. Really.